A gets extra credit for directing me to this clunker in yesterday’s Wall Street Journal (and on the front page!): Goodbye, Girdle: Curvy Stars Spark A Raid on Padded Panties.
It turns out there’s a market segment willing to shell out big bucks to get big butts.
Seriously?
The article provides TMI about flat-bottomed women desperate to add curves to their bums – some surgically (the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery reports nearly 5,000 butt lifts were performed in the U.S. in 2009 at up to $15,000 a butt) and some via padded panties, available at trendy boutiques as well as at Walgreen’s and Target.
These women are obviously not writers. It is impossible to sit with your computer, yellow pad or Moleskine notebook for hours each day and have this, er, problem.
Yesterday I went to Target, and came out with two summer tops, one on sale for $8.60, one for $10.00, and two bags of their organic blue corn tortilla chips with flaxseeds (the best packaged tortilla chips around, IMHO.) I forgot completely to look for Booty Pops while there, but I now know they are available online in black licorice and caramel nude for $19.95 a pair – plus shipping and handling.
I’ve never been much of a trend-setter, but I am so there with this butt thing. I figure if I put on one of my new halter tops, open the chips and sit at my computer to write and eat for a couple of hours, I’ll continue to be ahead of the curve, so to speak. I can work on maintaining my own personal butt, which I had even before it became trendy – and none of this silly Booty Pop business for me.
Seriously.
Seriously, I think sitting at my computer is making my butt even flatter…and not in a good, skinny way, but a where’s-your-butt kinda way.
Your post is hilarious!
Thanks. Well, for $19.95 you can change all that….
I don’t know…I think I’m definitely getting flatter, in a -w i d e s p r e a d- sorta way.
A couple of hours a week on the elliptical should help that, of course that just takes time away from my writing.
Very funny post!
Elliptical? What’s that? When you write in almost-circles?
Oh hell, I don’t know, I’ve never used one.
LOL
Really? You can get these at Target? Hey, this is no joke for the derriere challenged, and Kathan is right, sitting at this computer is destroying what little I had. With my belly and breasts, I figure if I can buy the butt, I’ll look just like one of those fabulous fertility figures … with gray hair!
Hmmm…. I dunno. I must have a different body type than y’all. But, hey — go for it if it works for you. I’m gonna stick with the chips.
You’re all cracking me up here! Dang it, I’m at work and I’m practically choking while I try to squelch my laughter.
The post and comments are priceless, thanks for making my day!
You’re welcome. Now get on over to Northpointe and show Dayner and me what an elliptical is all about…
Ok, you guys! This is just hilarious!! By computer osmosis of writers (COW), I have received all the derrier weight you all have been losing. It’s behind me as we speak, dangnabit!
Well, I for one have NOT been ‘suffering’ the non-butt problem. So let’s just open that other bag of chips, shall we?
And the wine?
Of course! I’ll have chardonnay with just a splash of seltzer in it. Oh, wait — aren’t YOU providing the vino from your own vineyard?
So very, very true. Sadly. And Booty Pops? Oh, god. That says everything anyone needs to know about the human race. Hilarious, Natasha.
Thanks, Merrilee. Here’s hoping Booty Pops haven’t made it to your part of the world.
I think I’ll open and ebay account and see if I can auction off some of the fat in my behind. I saw a TV show where they are now sucking the fat from your thighs and injecting it in your face. It last for five years and cost $6000. I think I can supply at least 20 or 30 women with the fat they need to feed their vanity. I’m gonna be rich!
You go, girl! Let us know when you’re rich…