CW - Two weeks of Diabolical Thinking

So how am I doing with the Creativity Workshop? It’s been almost two weeks since my last CW post, and I’ve barely posted anything else, either. What happened?

Stagefright. Yup, I had stagefright. My blogging buddies seemed SO eager (thanks for the vote of confidence!) to follow my foray into the diabolical — and I didn’t want to disappoint them (or me). But every time I sat down at the computer to get down, dirty and diabolical, I clenched. I blanched. I lost my voice and stared, trembling, into the microphone — er, keyboard. And I walked off the stage for a couple of days.

My Inner Editor held a kitten instead of a butcher knife. I wanted to channel Sweeney Todd, not Lola Cat. But it wasn’t happening. I tried blaming it on the heat, the humidity. But it was stagefright — I didn’t think I could live up to anyone’s (including my own) expectations for diabolical thinking — and I clenched.

And then a miracle happened: Early this week I took my car to get new tires and brakes. I know some of you find your muse in Starbucks, but I found mine among the display of steel belted radials, shock absorbers, and NASCAR jerseys. I sat there with my laptop and started pounding out weird, edgy stuff. Don’t know where it was coming from, where it was going — but my stagefright lifted. Maybe it was comfort with performing on a street corner instead of at the Met.

So, yeah, I’ve pounded out a couple of shorts this week and stretched in some new, darker directions.

heh heh. You better watch your back.

… just sayin’…

12 comments to CW – Two weeks of Diabolical Thinking

  • I feel your pain. In writing situations, nothing wraps me in chains like a bunch of folks saying, “You can do it, Shaddy, I know you’ll be fabulous.” We all mean well as we send off words of encouragement but…I know I do the same thing to my writing friends.

    The harder we try, the harder writing gets. When we give up, let ourselves off the hook, then and only then do we become creative again.

    Basically, we need to forget about everyone else and even ourselves when we write. Just let it come.

    I’m happy for you and so glad you took your car to get new tires and brakes!!!

  • Natasha

    Well said, Shaddy. We need to put that inner editor out to pasture and just write.

    And, oh! New tires are like a whole bunch of new notebooks and mechanical pencils! Except a boatload more expensive…. Everything just works better.

  • Interesting thought here. I’d never considered that encouragement could be stifling. πŸ˜‰ Though I guess that makes sense, since criticism can (and should) inspire us to write more, and better.

    I have a son visiting this week, so my hope is that being forced to set aside any serious attempts at writing will free me from my recent constraints.

  • Eeek! I am very afraid!

    Really, though, good job for hanging on and letting this happen eventually. It’s one lesson I’ve been learning while reading Lamott. It will come, you have to just let it!

    Besides, I think we all have a little badness down inside us somewhere…

    • Natasha

      I have this great little sculpture called ‘not quite a lady bug.’ She’s wearing red high heels (six of ’em — one on each insect leg), has punk hair sticking out of her ladybug red and black shell), piercings, and she’s got a cigarette in her mouth.

      Yea, a little badness. I may try to take a picture of her one of these days and do a post on her.

  • Oh yes, that horrible feeling. Well done for sticking with it! And what a relief when the words do come πŸ™‚

  • Stagefright sucks. But hurrah for the words finally flowing! Sometimes one finds inspiration in the ‘strangest’ places.

  • I love this picture of Lola. Oh,the stories can hit us anywhere. I guess the next time my husband hits the tire store I’ll have to go along. πŸ™‚

  • Natasha

    Yeah, but pass on the coffee that’s been boiling on the counter for the last couple of days. And try to be the first one in the waiting area so you can hide the remote so no one can turn on the TV. πŸ™‚

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